Archive for the ‘Noida’ Category

Goodbye old life…


2009
11.27

Typed on November 26, 2009:

Last year, on this very day, I was headed back to Mumbai post accepting a job offer in Delhi, Noida to be more precise. The previous night I remember watching on TV (in the days when I used to watch telly), bullets flying around at Leo’s in Colaba. I presumed it was a gangbang and drifted off to slumber-land. I woke up to an SMS, which conveyed concern and a sense of urgency from dad; Mumbai seemed to be burning.

My new boss texted to ask if I was alright, and en route to Mumbai. My friend, the Slug asked me to SOS if I could not find transport at the airport. The deafening silence at the a deserted domestic terminal in Mumbai, made this honourary Mumbaikar, very queasy. I headed to the Slug’s house and we watched in wonder and horror, as the gory events of 26/11 unfolding at the Taj Mahal Hotel in Colaba.

Shobha De was ranting (like a banshee) with fury to Barkha Dutt, about politicians from opposing parties travelling on the same flight, while the latter seemed impressed by this unlikely feat (a la such a national sacrifice!). Though I must admit, De was saying what should have been said, about politicians and their little tawdry tricks.

Narendra Modi arrived in Mumbai, and was posing tall in front of a TV camera. A man positioned himself (unknowingly) between the minister and the viewfinder, and a split second later, NM shoved the unsuspecting bloke out of the way! Comical. Akin to swatting a fly.

26/ 11 now seems light years, away. I no longer live in Mumbai, something I thought unimaginable a little over a year back. I resided for eight months in Noida, which for me is like the urbane wilderness. It’s quiet, dull, and what I disliked most is the lack of any cultural activity in this allegedly developed town.

I don’t know how eight months went by, and even though I lived there, I wasn’t really living. As I walked the streets, I was constantly looking over my shoulder to see who was observing me and what cars were approaching dangerously close. Though I must dmit, there were no “incidents”.

And yet, I don’t regret the experience, because I learned to appreciate the simple, joyous things in life. Like being able to stroll in broad day light, in a pair or shorts. Or stepping out at 12 am, to gab with a friend over a cup of coffee. And not having to travel (on an average) for four hours a day for a job I thoroughly detest.

Ahhh…life is good. Touch wood.

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The story of a driver


2009
09.04

Inspired by Balram Halwai, a shamefully poor village boy-turned-entrepreneur (shameful for the Indian Government ie), in The White Tiger, I must share the humble tale of a college student-turned-cab driver-turned- automobile employee, right here in Noida.

Before the days of my wee Alto, I was dependent on sub-moronic autowallahs and private cab service drivers, who charged me a mini-fortune and tested my patience, with the constant haggling, extreme rudeness and lack of punctuality. I ought to have listened to my friend, a long-time resident of Delhi, who advised way back: when in Delhi you must get a car before you start even looking for a house!

Then came along V, a cab driver who arrived on time, one fine morning to take me to Delhi and back. He came through a well-recommended cab service. Alan joined me in two hour’s time, and we had a smooth travel experience. Next time round, we skipped the cab company and called V, directly, because as Alan pointed out to me, he was punctual, polite and he had a good stereo system in his wee Alto cab.

Whilst I completed my meetings in the vicinity, Alan treated V to a cup of coffee and a sandwich at Café Coffee Day, thus getting to know that he was a 22-year old college dropout, who now drove a cab because his father, a farmer by profession and the only earning member of the family was paralysed from the waist downwards, post an accident.

He also gauged that V was a bright kid, and it was an absolute shame that he didn’t have the opportunity we had. Also, his English was poor, and according to V this stood between him and a better paying, full-time job.

Unfortunately, the cab business is unpredictable. On some days there is no business and some days there are two or three gigs, of which he can max squeeze in one or two. So now, having to support a wife, a mother, a difficult younger brother who was very angry at the prospect of not being able to attend college due to the lack of funds and bed-ridden father, whose medical bills cost a pretty penny, life was reduced to a hand-to-mouth existence.

He aspired to be a policeman, but failed the test by literally a stone’s throw due to some misinformation; the shot-put round fell short by a few feet because the minimum distance required was a little less than what he had practiced for. And there are no second chances, unless one is willing shell out some money.

He shared his disillusionment with the Indian police authorities with us, over some veg pizza and coke, and we listened, empathetically. So, he gave up his police dreams and continued to drive us around regularly. One day he confessed that we were lucky for him; on the days when he was with us, he inevitably ended up with a second gig, minutes after he dropped us off.

He and Alan became fast friends and even indulged some guy talk (of course I wasn’t around during these intimate confidences). The latter compiled a CD of English music, everything from Snap to Buddha Bar, which V could play (and impress) for international clients, and otherwise. On some levels, I think he was fascinated by Alan’s personality, his liberal thoughts and unconventional family background, himself hailing from a conservative, traditional joint family. He told me one day,” Ma’am, maine iss thurahuh ka aadmi khabhi nahi millah (I have never met anyone like Alan).”

Then it was time for Alan to leave, and as we drove him to the airport, both V and I, were consumed by sadness to see him go, yet, happy that he was finally on his way to fulfilling his destiny. On the way home, V confessed that he may never seem him again, but he would listen to the CD and reminisce about the good times.

The story doesn’t end here. In fact, it’s probably just begun. Soon after Alan’s departure, I connected V with some friends who needed a cab service to pick up and drop them to work and back home. They cut a deal, which provides him a regular income.

Lady luck shone her light on him even further; he got a job with an automobile company in the quality check department. Now, he just rents out his car to the folks concerned and still managing to keep his full-time job.

But I doubt he’ll stay in quality check long. This boy should go places…sans committing any homicides.

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The Great Wall Of Noida


2009
09.03

It’s 22.23 hours, and a violent storm has unleashed its wrath on Noida. Thundering, lightening,  a vile gail and a massive downpour. The lights went out for a few minutes, but thanks to the full power backup facility, it’s back.

I’m not so sure about the rest of the city, which does not have the luxury of renting a place with full power backup; you see the electricity department in noida is in shambles. The lights may go out even 20 times a day (Alan once counted!).  In fact before I arrived in these parts of the country, I had never even heard of the term ‘full power back-up’, which essentially means that you shell out a pretty penny every month for a steady supply of electricity that supports all your electronic gadgets, right from AC to TV to geyser, and is generated by…well…a generator. This one is a central one though, a kin to central air-conditioning.

On a different note, the water is undrinkable. It’s hard as a rock, and your intestines are sure to get ulcers if you drink it, everyday. To soften it, one has to either purchase an RO (7 grand approximately), or a regular supply of mineral water.

I often wonder what the poor folks do. Now, if only Lady Mayawati channelised those funds, which are being pumped into building a mammoth Dalit memorial (I call it The Great Wall Of Noida), to create better amenities in the town, and the rest of the state.

The spookiest thing about the memorial are the umpteen statues erected across the venue, and covered with a purple robes. They cut eerie figures, as you drive down Film City, as if they might spring to life at any moment.

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Kaminey Ki Jai


2009
08.15

I would definitely like to sit through Kaminey, all over again. This flick paces itself at the beginning, gains momentum and climaxes with a mighty crescendo. Most critics have discussed that the film is reminiscent of Tarantino’s style, and how old Bollywood wine of two brothers in arms, is edgily recast in a new bottle, and yada yada yada. The performances, music, dialogues were par excellence.

But what most people seemed to have missed – and this was instantly picked up by my pal Himi – are the subtle but electric homoerotic vibes between Charlie and Mikhail, right from the moment they commune with joy after discovering a cocaine-filled money-bags guitar, to grooving in a nightclub in psychedelic lighting, to Charlie breaking down in tears when Mikail is shot, to the finale when Charlie flirts with dropping guitar, drugs and potential money bags, into a raging fire, but finally succumbs only after spotting Mikhail’s corpse, stacked in the front seat of a jeep, but not before letting off a grief-stricken howl.

Maybe we are reading too much into this relationship. But then, maybe not. Bollywood tends to shout from the rooftops when making movies about gay people, and what you have is cliché, humour in bad taste, and brazen publicity stunts. But if our hunch is true, we must applaud the director on this subtle coup.

After a lousy morning of too much food, too little sleep and too much surfing, the film proved to be a great watch, and lifted my spirits, completely. Folks, you gotta watch it.

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MAMA SAYS…


2009
07.23

I speak to my mother, twice a day. Once, during my morning expedition to work in a shared cab, amidst a din of loud Hindi/ Punjabi music (a snooty friend once asked if I was in a very downmarket place!), five groggy-eyed people trying to take a nap in a Tata Safari, that’s thundering down the streets of Delhi at the speed of light, only this ride is bumpy and jerky, and not recommended for anyone with a bad back. On the bright side, it has an air-condition, which works. And the driver is a pleasant chap (by Delhi standards this is superlative).

I speak to mom once again in the evening, before I hit the sack. She wants to know how the day went, if I practiced driving, et al.

This morning, mama said excitedly,” Your horoscope has good things to say about you, today.” So, I asked her to read it aloud. As she looked for the morning paper, she said,” You know, I read only YOUR horoscope everyday, and when it is good, I feel happy.”

I instantly felt a warm, fuzzy feeling, inside. Henceforth, she will be reading to me every morning to me, on the phone, whilst Lassie messes about cantankerously, in the background, with her bottles and balls.

PS: I took the car for a spin after dark, and I realised that Noida is full of speed demons, in the evening, all racing in every direction. Banshees wail, as bikers honk, incessantly.

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White Beauty


2009
07.01

Post a very unfruitful yet another car shopping expedition, we visited a joint at the Great India Place, and ordered a butter chicken combo. The manager presumed that Alan was from abroad, courtesy his white skin, and offered us complementary gulab jamuns, whilst suggested that Alan must try this wonderful Indian delicacy.

We exchanged a knowing look, and played along with the charade. Now, if only he has asked to try some Indian dishes, with a certain reputation, we might have got a couple of more freebees. But no, we paid the bill and were soon on our way.

On a different note, I found out that a colleague of mine at one point used not one, but three fairness products to improve his complexion. One of them was ‘Fair & Handsome’. He thinks that the girls in north India like fair skin. Of course, his attempts at becoming fairer did not get him the girl. So, he dropped his beauty plan, and is now come to terms with his complexion.

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Tired!


2009
06.24

These days, I travel one hour-one way every day, to work and back. And as I pen these sweet nothings, I feel like a dead duck! Travelling is such a bitch. I did it once before when my commute from home to work was from Andheri to Churchgate. And I vowed never again. But I suppose one can never say never, these days. sigh. Things to do in a cab: play sudoko on your cell phone, listen to music (the more eclectic the better), read horoscopes out loud, have conversations with your friends and family on your mobile phone, check e-mail and surf the net if you have GPRS. Sleep (unless your cab driver drives like a maniac).

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New Friends ‘n’ old friends


2009
06.14

Coaster art

A young un' created this lovely piece of coaster art by screen-printing popular music and movie icons on glass 'n' pasting them on a wooden frame.

An old friend of mine came down from Mumbai the other day. Let’s call him Dr Jo. I have known him for about five years, now. Till date I did not know what he did for a living. and vice-versa.

Maybe it was because we always seemed to be surrounded by people, sounds, smells and other distractions. But this time round, we spent some quality times together, and our conversations took a new,  uncharted turn.

We did get to understand the nature of each other’s, not to mention discover new dimensions to a friend’s personality.

I think everyone must an opportunity to meet an old friend in a new city, after a short spell apart.

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Elevate. Non.


2009
05.31

In 2006, when I was working with Rediff.com’s feature section, I read a piece on Delhi’s brand new nightclub Elevate. My pal G mentioned that the hottest, sleekest guys and gals, visit the club, and that on Saturday nights, entering the club is a challenge.

Non!

Coincidentally, Elevate is located in Noida, just 10 km from my house. So, we decided to drop in. The cover charge was Rs 1,500 for a couple. I was frisked by some woman who was rather overzealous in her search. We entered only to discover that the place was empty.

There was a private party on the top floor, though one would never have guessed it from the lack of energy in the place. We paid Rs 1,000 for a bitter caprioska, and a Redbull and Vodka, with no vodka in it. By this time all the seats were taken, and so, we sat at the edge of the dance floor.

A very grumpy looking bouncer/ usher told us in a gruff manner that sitting at the edge of the dance floor was not allowed. So, we moved to a very uncomfy looking rexin couch. I folded my legs, and suddenly Mr gruff informed us: no feet on the couch, unless we kicked our shoes, off! Exasperated, I wondered is this a club or detention?

We continued lounging for the next one hour, as people walked in, and some terrible music played. My pal Al’s prediction was that when the Bollywood music kicked off, everyone would be bumping and grinding. And it turns out they did!

We picked up two more Redbulls, and beat a hasty exit. This place was a rip-off. And overrated piece of work. The waiters and bouncers and ushers, had zero hospitality skills. And the venue emanated a very cold, uncool vibe.

Next, we proceeded to Mamoushee, a rest0bar on the next floor. Micheal Jackson’s songs were played in the background, the drinks were nominally priced, the food was good and the service was warm, friendly and gracious. Mamoushee was like Vegas compared to Elevate.

Elevate was a buzz kill.

Update:

We cooked up more appropriate new names for the club.

Elefake.

Hellevate.

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