In the past one week, I have finished reading eight essays dedicated to the capital and one book, which gave me some insight into the way of life in this city. Now, I am starting to see things in a very different light.
I remember my Class X teacher in school, balking at us if we referred to him as ‘sir’. “Have I received the knighthood?” he would demand to know. So, I sometimes addressed him as Mr so-and-so, but mostly never at all; it just seemed a little awkward. However since then, I have hardly referred to anyone as “sir”; it seems primitive, colonial, feudal.
17 years down the line, a twenty-something new recruit at work (in Delhi) recently referred to me as ‘Ma’am’, and I felt queasy.
Reminds me of the time when a twenty-something new recruit from Delhi referred to his editor and boss (in Mumbai) as “Ma’am”, and she could not stomach it. We did our best to get him to address her by her first name, but he would get very squeamish about addressing a “senior” by her first name, and could never bring himself to succumb to this casual media work culture. He got a different job, and we shall never know if this Dilli kid will shake off his feudal ways.
Reminds me of yet another instance, when a twenty-something new recruit from Delhi, referred to his boss, a very senior editor (in Mumbai) as “Sir”. Now, this senior editor’s attitude is so casual, that every now and then he poses random (sometimes scandalous) questions to his editorial staff to the effect of “If you had a chance, would you sleep with Shah Rukh Khan?”. No one would bat an eyelid, and would in fact, answer his questions in a matter-of-fact, nonchalant manner. So, when he was addressed as “Sir”, the editor scampered away in fright, and the kid did not know what hit him.
The “sir”, “ma’am” and “ma-ii-dam” culture is predominant in Delhi. In fact, once I was referred to as ‘Merrilji’! I could barely hold still, and was laughing raucously, inside.
Yes, things tend to be formal, and there’s a very clear class and hierarchical distinction, in every realm of life. For instance, a driver will refer to his employee as “Sir” or “Madam”, which is okay and applies to many parts of the world and country, but he in turn will often be referred to by his employer, as “driver”, which sounds absolutely terrible.
I know of this one family who refers to their servant as “Naukar” (servant) and he has been working for them for ONLY 20 years!
On a different note, in my apartment complex, we have a separate elevator for servants and drivers, and how do we know that? The notice next to it clearly states “Lift for drivers/ servants)”, which easily could have said “Employee lift” or something more subtle. Ironically, when the lift for residents broke down, everyone — and I mean everyone — was using the lift meant for the help.
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