Yesterday at work an ‘ideas’ meeting eventually degenerated into this ‘us married people with kids’ versus ‘singles’ debate. One married lady passed a severely clichéd statement with full authority: ‘If you don’t get married by a certain age, you never well’. Another married person agreed.
I resisted the urge to blurt out something to the effect of ‘Excuse me but we’re not a statistic, you married cow’.
The discussion brought to mind my good friend K. I met K in 2001 when I first came to Mumbai. She was my colleague, and senior to me by about 4 years, age and work-experience-wise. This gal had a nightmare of a boyfriend; he borrowed a ton of money from her to get started on his business. The business went bust and then he kind of vanished. It was a betrayal of the worst kind.
She split up with him in 2004, a case of good riddance to bad rubbish. Thus began the quest for love and marriage — in that order.
She registered on a matrimonial portal and met several candidates who looked quite worthy online. But once she met them offline, the image quickly disintegrated to ‘the chap with a social IQ of zero’ etc etc. She took a shine to a colleague of hers, but in my opinion she needed to raise the bar and quit noticing such losers.
Simultaneously, her dad placed an ad in the classifieds section of a national daily. It received a response from another anxious father with a son from the same community. K recognised the name of the son, because it turns out he is a prominent designer from Mumbai’s fashion/Bollywood circuit. So, K set out to conduct an inquisition of her own before her parents could enquire further. She mentioned the name to her boss and quickly realised that this chap is gay. Obviously his parents either did not know or they are oblivious to his preferences.
Last October K, aged 33, tied the knot. Apparently her friends introduced her to this chap and the two liked each other, immensely. I could not make it for the wedding due to a prior engagement, but the two popped over to visit me.
It turns out he is not just a ‘nice guy’, but what one could term in society terms as ‘a catch’ — articulate, interesting, tall, lean, loves dogs, books and travel, the usual stuff.
When it comes to that special someone clichés like ‘it is now time to make up your mind’ just work. I can’t sit with a list of wants and tick them off every time I meet someone. The only barometer for love is what you (and by that I mean me) feel for the person and vice-versa, when you stripe him off all that cash and the other consumerist trappings.
Then all you are left with is this chap’s brain. If that doesn’t do it for you (and by that I mean me), forget it.
It’s a fundamental thing, the difference between the way Elizabeth and her best friend Charlotte view life in Jane Austen’s Pride And Prejudice.
I, of course, pride myself on being Elizabeth.
right you are!