Have just understood a universal truth about men, women and relationships.
Men don’t lie when a relationship goes awry. They just put off telling the truth. Not because they are mean or malicious. Many are actually nice, scrupulous beings (with exceptions of course)who ‘don’t want to hurt’ the lady in question. So, they put off breaking the good news, while the girl has to confide in girlfriends for enlightment about his odd behaviour. Or if she’s lost in love, she won’t even notice. Cliched but true.
A couple of months back this chap I know, the kind of guy who seems perfect to take home to mom — well-groomed, polite yet not boring, charming etc — confided in me that he had met another woman while still in a relationship. So, obviously you’d expect him to break-up with his current girlfriend before getting chummy with the new girl. But no, he was afraid to hurt her, and so he kept up the charade for a while. Eventually he had to spill the beans of course and they ended breaking up anyways.
Then there’s the ex who’s mother wanted him to marry a girl, custom-picked by her from their own community. He did his best to persuade her to change her matriarchal attitude and have an open mind. This state of affairs continued for a while. But his mum was like an invincible fortress (looked like one too). The question brewing in my mind was – if push comes to shove, what will the eventuality be. I had to drum his thoughts on the subject out of him. Post dissecting his long-winded take on the subject, I understood that mum was his priority.
But er…he didn’t want to hurt me and hence kept putting off the inevitable. Of course I would get hurt either ways, because the decision was already made. Eventually we were finito. .
The irony is that most women emerge from relationships that do not work out, a little emotionally scathed but definitely stronger and wiser (with exceptions of course). You learn a thing or two and then move on. Which is why men should not be ’scared of hurting women’, because the only thing such delays in communication achieve is that men feel guiltier by the minute, women waste energy trying to dissect the guy’s mixed signals. And eventually you break up anyways.
