I‘ve always been one of those types who over-analyses things to death — work, relationships, fashion, films, a pebble…everything.
I don’t know if it is a good thing thing or a bad thing — I guess it is because a part of me (unfortunately a large part) is very idealistic and of course, I am undeniably a hopeless romantic. Secondly, I think many aspects of life have multiple layers and in fact, it is the layers that make things so much more interesting.
When it comes to love, the layers are at its peak.
Questions like — who is my ‘type’?
Can I be monogamous after marriage? Does it usually take effort, or does true love reign supreme and prevent one from straying? Are some of us more prone to losing interest and straying as are some of us born flirts and smooth operators?
In the past couple of weeks or so, I’ve deduced quite a few theories from observation and professional experience about the (straight) man-woman equation.
I know lots of single people who are between 24-35 years of age and they all harbour a dream of finding ‘the one’.
Now, this includes a very eclectic mix — introverts and extroverts, the prudes and the non-prudes (for lack of a better word), the shy type and the smooth operators, the cynics and those who seem eternally positive, the conventional type and the avante garde set. So, you can’t really say that they are all fundementally unmarriable.
However, there are those that will play the field in the hope of meeting the one. And there are those who will wait (and are still waiting) for Mr Right/Mrs Right to come bouncing along.
He or she just might of course do so whilst you are standing in line for eons at KFC or browsing at a bookstore whilst picking up a copy of Mr Right’s favourite (and no doubt some obscure) book. These situations are pretty rare though, cause no matter what type of personality disorder you suffer from, you have a long list of expectations of Mr/Ms Right.
Four of us single (and ready to mingle) people – three gals and one guy (all heterosexual to my knowledge at least) – indulged ourselves at Cafe Coffee Day the other day making a list of what we each wanted in The One. It was quite ridiculous.
We had specifics like ‘Must have pitch black or pure white complexion’, ’must not just be witty, but also have a sense of humour’ (you do know the difference) etc.
The exercise was fun and in a way helped us visualise better what each of us expected. However, I still don’t think one can possibly articulate in so many words what will eventually work. So, I’ve narrowed down to three things that I think should work for many of us: he/she must mentally and physically stimulate. So, two down, one to go.
Last but not the least, he/she must care about me and my family. These are the basics.
I know it’s not so simplistic…but then again, it just might be. I plan to ask these three questions on my next date and it will make the sifting easier.
Another rule, I precribe for internet dating is to stay slightly detached, before meeting the person. A friend of mine fell in ‘love’ over the internet. She and this chap corresponded for 2 months over e-mail, sms and the phone. But in person there was no chemistry. What’s more he did not find her physically appealing. To make matters worse he tried his darndest best to find her so, but failed. Both of them were disappointed and finally went separate ways.
Coming back to whether or not to play the field, may be it is a good idea to keep an open mind and be true to your heart. We often feel something for somehow who does not fit the bill of The One. But exploring an oddball equation that seems undefinable (and may remain so if it reaches fruition) – even if for a brief period — may teach you something very profound about yourself as well as fuel your own process of creative, mental, physical, spiritual evolution.
Ah, “The One” something I never believed in. “The One” is whoever you’re with.
Good for you!!!