Lapses of lingy…

Every second word in American sitcoms seems to be skank. What does it mean?

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Communication.

I never realised the relevance of this word in today’s world until a couple of months back.

We discuss all sorts of things – books, activities, weekend plans, restaurants etc. But do we speak about the things that really matter — like how we feel or don’t feel.

Friendships break, relationships go bust, eons go by…and one fine day we sit back and wonder…why was I so elusive? Why did I pretend nothing was wrong?

Are people elusive because they do not want to acknowledge the truth, because discomfort in relationships is something they cannot deal with, because they do not trust themselves to deal with the consequences?

Now, I know better and I appreciate when people are honest with me.

But I secretly wonder — do men doubt that women can take or understand the truth?

When I ask someone,” Is something wrong?”, isn’t that the cue for a discussion to clear the air. “No, everything is great.” Brilliant.

On the otherhand, am I supposed to prod for information?

I’m no mind reader. I rest my case.

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Just finished reading a mediocrely written but nonetheless interesting book titled What Would You Do To Save the World. It’s an autobiographical account of the Femina Miss India pageant penned by a contestant who participated in 2004. This gal is very candid about her experiences, which I think deserves a certain degree of boldness to expose.

Of course she has nothing to lose in terms of her career, because she does not have her sights set on Bollywood or any part of the glamour industry; she’s a student of economics.

All the personalities involved in the pageant are barely camouflaged by a slight change of name, and the descriptions pretty much fit the bill. It’s an amusing read because it exposes even how the judges regard the pageant — a ticket to the glamour industry — and not the embodiment of womanhood at its ideal best.

The sad bit is that the grooming programme does more harm that good. Now if only it could be made less superficial, I’m sure the experience would help small-town girls with less exposure widen their horizons a wee bit.

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Ever feel like you need a day to recover from a hectic weekend? I do.

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Haven’t been doing anything remotely exciting these days. However, a meeting with Altaf made me realise that there’s a whole parallel universe out there, that I’m not remotely a part.

This chap travelled to Caux last year, a place in Switzerland where delegates from various countries meet and exchange ideas, understand the mindsets and issues relevant to their brethren across the seas.

Then he stayed in Uttranchal, moving from one village to another in the hot sun trying to ascertain the progress of women in these villages. He attended the gram panchayat meetings, interacted with the locals, ate their food (at least he was supposed to — eventually he discovered Cadbury’s Perk bars in a local village store, which soon became a staple diet) etc.

Next, to Scotland where he did lots of more exciting stuff, but I’m not exactly sure what, again something to do with social development issues. And he heads back to Caux again.

And he entered his own picture in a ’send a healthy picture of yourself’ contest by GE money. The one he selected was shot in Uttranchal next to a lake. It won the contest and was displayed at Times Square in New York. for two days.

He’s also planning to direct a movie, which shall be titled — When Hari met Saali Kuthi.

Meera and myself almost fell off our chairs laughing when he told us this bit. A take on the Hollywood film When Harry Met Sally, it was toooooo funny to bear.

WHMS used to be a favourite, but I guess I’ve outgrown it now. Meg Ryan’s character get a wee bit annoying after a point of time — too prissy, sometimes plain silly and most unurturing. But the fake orgasm at the restaurant was a hoot. Which makes me wonder how can this person have two conflicting sides to her personality? It seems so real. But is it possible? Do all of us have conflicting sides? Now, I’m rambling on. Till next time.

One more thing. Reading Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. It started off on a slightly drab note, but has now gained momentum. The format is nice. A woman in her 30’s delves into her past, remembering and deciphering conversations, which took place during her school days, readdressing thoughts and actions that struck her as strange back then but which eventually got buried or forgotten as time went by.

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I‘ve always been one of those types who over-analyses things to death — work, relationships, fashion, films, a pebble…everything.

I don’t know if it is a good thing thing or a bad thing — I guess it is because a part of me (unfortunately a large part) is very idealistic and of course, I am undeniably a hopeless romantic. Secondly, I think many aspects of life have multiple  layers and in fact, it is the layers that make things so much more interesting.

When it comes to love, the layers are at its peak.

Questions like — who is my ‘type’?

Can I be monogamous after marriage? Does it usually take effort, or does true love reign supreme and prevent one from straying? Are some of us more prone to losing interest and straying as are some of us born flirts and smooth operators?

In the past couple of weeks or so, I’ve deduced quite a few theories from observation and professional experience about the (straight) man-woman equation.

I know lots of single people who are between 24-35 years of age and they all harbour a dream of finding ‘the one’.

Now, this includes a very eclectic mix — introverts and extroverts, the prudes and the non-prudes (for lack of a better word), the shy type and the smooth operators, the cynics and those who seem eternally positive, the conventional type and the avante garde set. So, you can’t really say that they are all fundementally unmarriable.

However, there are those that will play the field in the hope of meeting the one. And there are those who will wait (and are still waiting) for Mr Right/Mrs Right to come bouncing along.

He or she just might of course do so whilst you are standing in line for eons at KFC or  browsing at a bookstore whilst picking up a copy of Mr Right’s favourite (and no doubt some obscure) book. These situations are pretty rare though, cause no matter what type of personality disorder you suffer from, you have a long list of expectations of  Mr/Ms Right.

Four of us single (and ready to mingle) people – three gals and one guy (all heterosexual to my knowledge at least) –  indulged ourselves at Cafe Coffee Day the other day making a list of what we each wanted in The One. It was quite ridiculous.

We had specifics like ‘Must have pitch black or pure white complexion’, ’must not just be witty, but also have a sense of humour’ (you do know the difference) etc.

The exercise was fun and in a way helped us visualise better what each of us expected. However, I still don’t think one can possibly articulate in so many words what will eventually work. So, I’ve narrowed down to three things that I think should work for many of us: he/she must mentally and physically stimulate. So, two down, one to go.

Last but not the least, he/she must care about me and my family. These are the basics. 

I know it’s not so simplistic…but then again, it just might be. I plan to ask these three questions on my next date and it will make the sifting easier.

Another rule, I precribe for internet dating is to stay slightly detached, before meeting the person. A friend of mine fell in ‘love’ over the internet. She and this chap corresponded for 2 months over e-mail, sms and the phone. But in person there was no chemistry. What’s more he did not find her physically appealing. To make matters worse he tried his darndest best to find her so, but failed. Both of them were disappointed and finally went separate ways.

Coming back to whether or not to play the field, may be it is a good idea to keep an open mind and be true to your heart. We often feel something for somehow who does not fit the bill of The One. But exploring an oddball equation that seems undefinable (and may remain so if it reaches fruition) – even if for a brief period — may teach you something very profound about yourself as well as fuel your own process of creative, mental, physical, spiritual evolution.

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Restlessness is sometimes a good thing. It means that the winds of change are beckoning.

Have been feeling very restless in the past few days and I know why.

We all get bogged down with things we need to do at work, things that are no longer exciting, things that are mundane and make one feel a kin to a clerk (with no hard feelings for clerks). So does one do when such a feeling sets in?

Am making mistakes, feeling glum, sighing…it’s such a waste.

I think I no longer enjoy all the aspects of my work — time to specialise I think.

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You’ve heard of dream dates. But have you heard of dream double dates? Or rather a dream threesome date? (and I don’t mean a menage a trois)

Just had one yesterday –  me, my buddy Meera and this chap (we shall call him S), whom we both sorta fancy.

Meera and I happened to spot this chap in a play. We were seated very close to the stage, and whilst our knight in shining armour was spewing his lines rather eloquently, he made eye contact with (apparently) both of us. We exchanged notes during the interval and decide that our friend (we shall call him V) who was also in the play must introduce us to S.

Our friend was more excited than us and proceeded to play cupid and fix up our ’double date’. He made S sound like Greek God to us ( MA, M Phil and PhD, eloquent, well-read, genuine…the works) and us sound like the epitome of womanhood to S.

The build-up continued — before the deemed time for our coffee date, S texted both of us refering to himself as our slave. Lots of more texting back and forth, between him ‘n’ me, him ‘n’ my friend and Meera ‘n’ me. The latter, we had umpteen discussions on what to wear. Should we get dressy, should we keep it casual etc etc. So, casual with a bit of lip gloss was the way to go.

Meera reached first, then me and finally our ’slave’ who landed up about 38 minutes late, texting us all the way whilst in traffic. It was an amusing situation.

Off-stage he turned out to be charming, congenial, intelligent and well-read, not to mention well-groomed and well-mannered. And he made it a point to give us equal doses of attention.

We spoke about theatre, film, writing, books, oddissi, music, Delhi, Mumbai, Odissi etc etc etc

And then it was time to part. First he took my hand in his and held it for a few seconds longer than deemed necessary and said we must meet a again. Next, he took Meera’s hand and held it for a few seconds extra and said we must meet a again. We agreed completely.

After he left we called up our friend V and sang praises of S, both sounding like the cats who got the cream. My friend suggests we both date him. ” You can have his left arm and you can have his right arm, ” he said.

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