Yesterday a friend and I got talking about the finer nuances of finding love in a fast-paced metropolis.
She confided a couple of things about herself, which really surprised me. Now, this woman is attractive, successful, articulate, confident and even compassionate. She has a strong sense of ‘presence’, which either impresses or intimidates.
She says she’s hopeless with men she’s attracted to, though. The moment she realises that she is attracted, she either behaves like a blabbering idiot, uttering the most unintelligent things ever. But this possibility is very remote, as it risks her being viewed as an idiot.
The safer approach is to turn into the ice queen, spewing witty lines and displaying a certain degree of coldness sometimes bordering on animosity. This of course dashes ALL all hopes of a potential romance, as the poor mere mortal moves on or thinks she’s plain weird.
Romances these days often stem from baby steps on either side. The days of wooing and chasing are somewhat over, with a few exceptions.
I wonder if it is because she is a control freak? Or is it a fear of rejection? How can she break out of this mould? I really didn’t know what to say to her. But she seems to want to improve and be more balanced in her approach to relationships.
She’s apparently a personality type that has trouble dealing with emotions- either not enough or the drama queen and always in a way that she asks herself afterwards why she behaved like that…..
And then there is that interior image of how a woman should behave: looking up to the saviour in shape of knight in shining armour with a ‘ you’re so intelligent and strong and I’m so helpless, what would I become without you’ look in her eyes…which she probably can’t bring herself about to be.
Perhaps your friend is looking for the man who will love her unconditionally, no matter how she treats him. What would she do, do you think, if he doesn’t run away after the “coldness bordering on animosity”?
There is a middle ground your friend needs to find… and that’s the un-selfconscious her.
Ask her to be more authentic in expressing herself. Tell her there is nothing to fear in being herself.
It’s not that difficult…