Turquoise Blues
A statement, an action, a display of pure indifference all enough to trigger off a sense of inadequacy, a feeling that sits on the edge of human consciousness, ready to attack at any moment. This moment is wretched, a moment when the world feels like a hopeless place to live in, a moment when I feel the need to curl up in the foetal position in some obscure corner of the world, far away from the madding crowd, groping for reassurance. Away from jealousy, insecurity, animosity and mediocrity until I manage to recuperate from this maddening spell of self-doubt and negativity, and step back with into the periphery of human contact with a fresh dose of self-esteem.
Contrary to my image of ‘invincible independent woman of today’, I have fallen emotionally prey to the insensitive attitudes of mere mortals. These individuals have manifested their personal appeal in the deep recesses of my sensibilities and as hard as I try, it’s proving difficult to shake off these chimeras that hold me captive.
At times like this the present seems unbearable and the future grim. It reminds me of being marooned indoors when a downpour of rain outlives its romantic appeal. At times like this a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt comes to mind. She said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
The meaning of these words ring true, but the principle is harder to live by than to appreciate.
